Doubt Doesn’t Disqualify

By Brooke

even in doubt

I went to sleep last night on a wet pillow. St. John of the Cross would call it a dark night of the soul. I call it familiar.

Listen, before you start citing me well meaning verses, you need to know that I know Him. I know He is good and that He has plans to prosper me and that what He has promised WILL happen. I know His Word is true and that His Spirit is comfort that surpasses all understanding. I know He is my shield and my strength and that His portion is more than enough.

But why then does it seem the enemy is winning? Why doesn’t it seem like my Savior has come yet? Lord knows I have been crying out. I’ve been lamenting (and praising…but lots of lamenting). The Psalms say that He hears the heart of the afflicted and He comes. He changes things, and He wins…because His Love never fails.

Then why does it feel like the enemy is winning? My enemy is prowling around like a lion and he is pulling out all the stops to get me to buy into the lies that God has set me free from.

I am not worth loving.

My children will inherit the sins of the generation before me.

I will be left for something better.

If given a choice, people will choose someone other than me.

And everyone has the power of free choice, right? So where does that leave a little girl lost? I mean a woman found and saved by grace, but the little girl abandoned inside of this woman of faith. She’s easy prey.

I need faith today. Today has to be a day that He believes for me because I cant believe for myself. He has to give me eyes and a heart that can hope for what has not yet been seen. Today is a day where if doubt disqualified me from faith, I would be out. 

When Jesus appeared before His disciples, the Word in Matthew 28:17 tells us that “When they saw Him, they worshipped Him, but some doubted”. 

The word doubt in Matthew 28:17 means to withdraw from one, desert, to separate one’s self in a hostile spirit, to oppose, strive with dispute, contend and to be at variance with one’s self. To hesitate.

Doubt is a powerful tool in the hands of the enemy. It can get us to desert the One we know is Faithful. It can get us to separate ourselves from Him and others in a hostile spirit. To oppose His promises and to strive IN dispute of His goodness. It can (by definition) cause us to be at war with ourselves and to hesitate in our faith.

Here is the relieving news. Doubt doesn’t disqualify the Chosen. Even the ones closest to Christ, who saw him with their own human eyes, resurrected from the dead, doubted. In His great mercy and compassion, He didn’t rebuke them. Instead He extended His power to them and invited them into the fullness of co-mission with Him.

Have you even had one of those days? Or, like me, one of those seasons? I am reminded today that Christ is not at all offended by my doubt. He is strengthening my faith by reaching for my hand and placing it to His side as a reminder that He does win.

Here’s something we can all believe in today. His Love wins and even in the darkest places, He is there. He is coming. And He alone saves.


31 Comments on Doubt Doesn’t Disqualify

  1. Amanda
    February 4, 2014 at 8:09 am (6 years ago)

    Yes. Amen.

    • Sheila Hall
      February 4, 2014 at 8:37 am (6 years ago)

      So so good! I needed to be reminded of that!

  2. Anna
    February 4, 2014 at 8:29 am (6 years ago)

    I believe, help my unbelief. Truth here. Thank you for the reminder.

  3. denielle
    February 4, 2014 at 8:41 am (6 years ago)

    Seeing the words of your lies written out struck the heart of mine. Powerful truths here. I NEEDED this. Jesus thank you for Brooke and her transparency. And AMEN

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:50 pm (6 years ago)

      Everything in the light brings life…right D? Every. Single. Thing.

  4. Kelly
    February 4, 2014 at 8:42 am (6 years ago)

    All I can say is… Thank you!

  5. Sara
    February 4, 2014 at 8:43 am (6 years ago)

    Amen. I’m sorry for the season of doubt you’re walking thru, dear Brooke, but it is good to know that I am not alone in my moments of feeling like maybe the enemy is right and that his lies are true.
    Standing against the enemy with you. Maranatha – come, Lord Jesus.
    xoxo, Sara

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:51 pm (6 years ago)

      Selah. I receive that, Sarah. xo

  6. Jami
    February 4, 2014 at 8:57 am (6 years ago)

    through your authenticity, the Name of the Lord is lifted high.

    i love you, B.

    so, so proud of your courage.

    BLESS you.

  7. Laura
    February 4, 2014 at 9:27 am (6 years ago)

    “My children will inherit the sins of the generation before me.” Our tears are the same, dear momma. Thank you for this post! xo

  8. Kerry
    February 4, 2014 at 10:01 am (6 years ago)

    I. Love. You.

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:51 pm (6 years ago)

      You too Kerry. I know you get me.

  9. Tammy
    February 4, 2014 at 11:04 am (6 years ago)

    Never been good enough, fear being deserted, empty… daily asking Lord Jesus what is wrong with me? Thank you for reminding us of the Truth, clinging to this <3

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:52 pm (6 years ago)

      Oh Lord Tammy…good thing we can navigate a boat since it seems we are in the same one. His Love…NEVER quits.

  10. lisa
    February 4, 2014 at 11:07 am (6 years ago)

    I Understand. You Understand. Thank You

  11. Teri
    February 4, 2014 at 11:43 am (6 years ago)

    This is one of your best posts, Brooke. I am RIGHT there with you. My tears are flowing this afternoon with grief. My grief is real. I am learning that many Christians are so scared of those of us who are honest about our suffering. Many have run away. But, in our Bible study in 2 Timothy, we have learned how all of Paul’s friends abandoned him at his greatest point of need…except one. Onesiphorus sought Paul out in Rome. He searched high and low for the obscure prison Paul was in. He was NOT ashamed of his brother even in the most terrible circumstances. More amazing is how Paul wrote to encourage Timothy and other believers from his hole in the ground prison. You have done that for me today Brooke. You are so loved my precious sister.

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:48 pm (6 years ago)

      T, thank you. So good. Its not always weeping, but when it is, it is. Amen. Love you.

  12. Brenda Westfall
    February 4, 2014 at 12:49 pm (6 years ago)

    Thanks for keeping it/yourself real … especially for those of us who don’t know you yet and have signed up to be on this HY journey with you.

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:49 pm (6 years ago)

      Oh Brenda, we are just getting started, girl!

  13. amy
    February 4, 2014 at 12:59 pm (6 years ago)

    tears. I am not alone. you are not alone.
    love you B.

    • Brooke
      February 4, 2014 at 2:49 pm (6 years ago)

      Praise for that, sweet Amy

  14. Tori
    February 4, 2014 at 4:03 pm (6 years ago)

    I really needed that word today, thank you. I uttered those exact words this morning “I know You are here with me, but why does it feel like the enemy is still winning?!” It has been a rough season for me and I’m so grateful for heartfelt words like yours. Praying for you and your season as well.

  15. Dawn
    February 5, 2014 at 5:57 am (6 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing. I so needed to hear it.

  16. Myra
    February 5, 2014 at 6:36 am (6 years ago)

    So good Brooke! A breath of fresh air is the honesty that you bring to the table here. Thanks for keeping it real.

  17. Danette
    February 5, 2014 at 6:43 am (6 years ago)

    Thank you for always being honest, open, and real. A warrior for Christ, perservering in pain even still. I feel you! You are inspiring and so lovable, I love you! Continuing to pray for my sister! -D

  18. Jill Hinson
    February 5, 2014 at 6:27 pm (6 years ago)

    I think God is honored by our journey to know Him more, even when we have doubts. Thank you for bring so authentic and real. You inspire me. Lifting you up today…

  19. Heather
    February 6, 2014 at 11:10 am (6 years ago)

    I needed this. Looking up, instead of inward or outward. Not staying in doubt, but moving forward. Thank you for sharing. Love you much.

  20. Jane VanOsdol
    February 10, 2014 at 4:23 am (6 years ago)

    Yes, I have had those seasons in my life. Dark and depressing, refining and defining. They are often where significant strides are made and lessons learned for a lifetime. Brighter, faith-filled days are ahead.

  21. Sarah
    February 11, 2014 at 5:41 am (6 years ago)

    I love your honesty, because being so open really moves us past the religious gibber that we seem to feed ourselves when faced with pain. Thank you for sharing. It really helped me to remember to open my heart up in sincerity.

  22. Andrea Surratt
    March 10, 2014 at 6:05 pm (6 years ago)

    Wow. I am a month late to this conversation. I believe I have been preoccupied by pushing the evil one away too. May this find you in a place of comfort and care next to Him. The Truth is all we really have, right? Love you, sis!


    • wayne
      August 2, 2014 at 8:16 am (5 years ago)

      Good read babygirl. Love you!


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